How to carry things

 My previous post was about my cat that passed away, I am better now but still cry about her sometimes. I know it was 'just a cat' but she was mine. 

I describe grief as something that trips you over in the beginning. You don't know how to carry the weight of it, you feel like you are sinking, being pulled apart and heavy at the same time. 

In time you learn to move the weight of grief around on your body so you can move, eat or see friends and family. Together you repack the weight, sometimes making it heaver and sometimes making it ever so briefly lighter. 

You learn to repackage, reframe and distribute the weight of grief along your body, on your back. Many of us never walk the same again, many of us pretend we are not carrying it, many show their sadness, many don't... and then one day. 

You hear that song playing ...

You see a specific scene in a movie and gets you... 

You smell something familiar ... 

You feel their presence in a familiar place...

You taste the cat food by accident...

It throws you off-centre for a bit, you need to repack and sit with the weight for a while.

Wait for a while... It is OK. 

I think you always carry grief with you, you just learn how to carry the weight. 

You learn to sit with it, to get up with it and to get on. 

For now, for today, I am waiting with my weight. I'll pick it up a bit later. Just need to be here... hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling and tasting the memories. 

Just wait, I'll be back soon. 



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